And this is the internalized male gaze.

Given that choice, would I rather kiss a beautiful woman or a brilliant and talented woman. For me the answer is easy and obvious, but then I'm a lot older than you and given the limited time I have left have much more desire to spend time with fascinating people, no matter how they look, and no interest in spending time with dull people.

Thought provoking and well written, and it brings up some questions. I have never and will never be seen as physically attractive and so have never had to deal with intrusive gaze of any kind. I assume that in a culture like ours where superficial physical attributes are always relevant, "attractive" men receive that gaze as well, though given the power differential between women and men over the issue of looks I doubt it feels as intrusive to men...I can only speculate.

For a minute or two during the women's movement of the early seventies there was some thought of deescalating the appearance wars, with liberated women choosing to dress according to comfort and utility and forgo makeup, heels, fragile and physically limiting clothing, the way that men can. Given the rewards in dating, professional advancement and wages, special treatment in social situations that looks confer on the "fortunate", there was no way the truce would hold.

I'm left wondering what freedoms and self confidence I would be willing to give up in trade for looks that drew people (specifically potential romantic partners) to me. Won't ever know of course; on the one hand I never doubt that people who want to spend time with me do so because they are attracted to inner qualities, on the other hand it's demoralizing at best to know that prospective partners feel devalued if they are seen by others as romantically interested in me;)