I probably wouldn't have written my comment as if we were discussing the present if you hadn't led with the fact that your most recent ex was in the same league of danger as Dwayne. Sorry if my concern sounds judgy, but it is real and not meant to blame you for their actions.

Had Dwayne obviously been a one off I wouldn't have commented. The most recent ex makes it seem like a pattern, and while you may have just been terrifically unlucky or perhaps be right on top of this recurring theme and not vulnerable to another dangerous situation, there's a slender chance that you don't see it and are still in danger.

My brother is married to an abuser and she has made his life miserable, separated him from his family, their children, her family, the church in which they met, and he is too beaten down to leave and salvage the last decade or two of his life. You are still young, I'm just hoping you are safe, Happy holidays!