Sorry Yael, but you are wrong in many ways about this. Yes, there is a toxic subculture of male "incels", but there's no reason that a woman can't be incel as well. My sister would have qualified; while intelligent and prodigiously talented, she was also on the spectrum (before it officially existed) and literally never had a close friend, let alone a lover. Masturbation you suggest, well she was a fundamental Christian, a group that HAD to accept her socially, and with her values masturbation was off the table. I suspect that many of the male self-proclaimed incels have similar challenges...having spectrum challenges is fairly common.

As for being taught that your identity hinges on financial success, this teaching is correct for many men, and the mindset they experience is reinforced with pain and humiliation from MANY outside actors.

I agree totally, both women and men can find themselves in "this boat", usually because they actually are seen as unattractive, because they suffer from many unfortunate societal teachings and self perceptions, and because they, like my sister, simply succumbed to the constant negative messages and gave up.

Most people who find themselves in this position NEVER consider their options solely "to die or to kill", many like my sister simply turn to self comforting habits and belief systems. We hear about the violent outliers of course, thanks to our violence/conflict forward media systems and so, develop unrealistic fears and beliefs, very similar to our fears of crime, immigrants and minorities we don't understand.