This is big. My mom and I never got there, though I knew she loved me. She survived abandonment and abuse, probably sexual, and some things in her were shut off, never to reopen. We (her friends, my friends) held a memorial for her a year and a half ago and I was amazed at all the women who viewed her as a mom and a mentor, as well as my oldest and dearest friend. She was proof of how badly we can be hurt and yet still choose to thrive.