Though my dad wasn't often angry or abusive he had that side; caring for him by myself in my home was not real difficult in the short term and exhausting over the long run. I got help, the sister of a friend who provided a daily 5 or so hours of respite care, Visiting Angels ( a care company) to fill the gaps when I just had to get out of town.

I had him from age 92 to 97, started counseling about half way through which helped me eventually to move him into assisted living and shortly thereafter into memory care.

I have no doubt that he would have lived a little longer with me, but my health was suffering and I made this hard call to prioritize my own welfare.

The "sometimes hate" is entirely natural and nothing to be disturbed about or ashamed of. Counseling was key for me. We are not superheroes, and our wellbeing is as important as that of the people we care for. Reach out for help whenever you can and good luck!